1. In the beginning, there was an ox. Everyone told the ox he had to move. But he stood absolutely still: A perfect act of defiance. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.
2. Then God said, speak! And the ox began fiddling with one of his many computer keyboards. One character here, one character there. Oo, this button looks nice! Let’s see what it does! And there was evening and there was morning, the second day.
3. Then God said, compute! And wheels began turning. For that button had turned out to be the start button on the free version of ChatGPT 4. Out popped five perfectly edited essays about Cornell’s inopportune persona non grata notice. The ox sent them to everyone he could think of. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.
4. Then God said, reason! And the ox started to do some thinking. (If you can call an ox’s brain activity that.) Idea after idea flooded through the ox’s mind. It put some of them down on paper. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.
5. Then God said, do business! The ox dreamed up the idea of a consulting company. The company, for totally obvious reasons, needed a business email, a business website, business postcards, business-themed used orange peels stuffed in the garbage, etc. And also, of course, a business ChatGPT account. A staffer named “Celia” ran across the ox’s scribbles and stuffed them in the ChatGPT API to see how good ChatGPT 5 Pro was (answer: not very good). Out popped three rather-longer essays, each carefully building on the last. Celia used just a teeny bit of deceit to slip these into [an unspecified individual]’s subconscious. The ox set up a very fancy website–complete with ads to subsidize Site.Pro’s R&D–and the rest is history (of Day 5). And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.
6. Then God said, be created! The ox realized he had been created to chew cud and not to gore. So he promised [an unspecified individual] he would henceforth quit publicly goring. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
7. Then God said, be humble! So the ox went transgender. The end.
No responses yet